Dazed and Confused
by Titan5
Summary: This is a tag to Condemned in which Sheppard has a head injury that has left him extremely disoriented. His flashbacks allow Carson and Ronon to learn a little more about his past.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** This is a Condemned tag for Shelly, who literally begged me to write one (even though she has already written a fantastic one herself). I have to admit that I had fun once I got an idea and got started. They really did cheat us with that one.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Stargate Atlantis or have any rights to the show or its characters. I'm just borrowing them for a bit.

Dazed and Confused – Chapter 1

Carson Beckett and his team arrived in the gateroom just as the stargate shut down to find a jumble of people deposited on the floor. All of them seemed to be dirty, tired, bruised, and generally worse for wear. He waved his people forward to start assessing the various pieces of the human jigsaw puzzle for injuries. Reaching Teyla first, he took her arm and helped her disengage her leg from the now squirming pile of people as she got to her feet.

"Teyla, are you all right?"

Teyla nodded as she straightened herself. "I am uninjured, Dr. Beckett."

Beckett eyes the bruise on her face and the scratches on her arms. "Somehow I doubt that, lass, but at least nothing looks life threatening. We can fix you up in the infirmary."

He moved on to Ronon, taking one arm of the former runner as Teyla took the other. Beckett noticed him favoring one leg as he stood and, looking down, saw blood on his pants leg. "You're injured."

Ronon glanced down. "It's nothing."

Teyla sighed as she leaned over closer to Beckett. "He was shot through the leg with an arrow."

Beckett's eyes widened. "And you're walking on it? Where's the arrow?"

Ronon shrugged. "I pulled it out. It was in the way."

Beckett shook his head, but decided that he would save the lecture about not removing penetrating objects in the field until he had some pain medication into the big man. No use getting him riled up here in the gateroom when he had other patients to tend to.

"We have a gurney –"

"I can walk. Been walking all day."

Ronon glared at Beckett and the doctor decided not to push his luck. "All right, but be sure to go to the infirmary. Like it or not, I need to get it cleaned and you'll probably be needing some antibiotics."

Teyla nodded at Beckett, a coy smile playing across her lips. "I'll make sure that Ronon gets there."

Beckett smiled, thanking the powers that be for blessing them with Teyla. She diffused so many situations. "Thank you, lass."

Beckett turned his attention to see who was next, only to discover a dirty looking stranger in an odd cap standing before him. "Hello, who are you?"

Teyla stepped forward as a marine appeared, his hand on his gun. "This is Eldon. He helped us escape and we told him he could accompany us back to Atlantis."

"Well, that means you'll need to be checked out by me, but not until after I take care of the injuries." He looked over at the young soldier. "Could you show this man the infirmary and perhaps stay with him until we get there?"

The marine nodded and took Eldon by the arm. "Come with me, sir, and I'll show you the way." Eldon waved at Teyla and then turned back to the marine who was escorting him.

"Can I get something to eat?"

Beckett turned and saw that McKay was being helped up by two of the nurses, talking in a fast, high-pitched staccato. " . . . and I'm almost sure that these scrapes on my wrists are infected by now, not to mention the cut on my arm. I'm not positive, but I may have hit my head when the jumper crashed because I'm pretty sure I cracked a tooth. Do we have a dentist in Atlantis?"

One of the nurses looked back over her shoulder to make eye contact with Beckett as they guided McKay toward the infirmary and mouthed "I hate you". Beckett just laughed and waved.

That only left one person. He saw Colonel Sheppard still on the floor, several feet away from where the others had been tangled together in a mass. Beckett noted that he had not moved from his position, lying on his right side with his back to the doctor. He covered the distance in a few seconds and knelt behind Sheppard, placing his hand on the Colonel's shoulder.

"Colonel, are you all right?"

Beckett frowned when he didn't get an answer and shook Sheppard's shoulder as he started to speak to him again. But he didn't get the chance as Sheppard suddenly rolled over and knocked Beckett to the floor on his back. Instantly, Sheppard moved forward to straddle the doctor, his forearm pressed firmly to Beckett's throat, making it hard for him to breathe.

Beckett sputtered and coughed, slapping his hand against the floor. As two marines, along with Teyla and Ronon, moved forward to help, Sheppard suddenly pulled back.

"Doc?" Sheppard frowned and looked around the gateroom as he sat up. Looking back down at Beckett, his mouth dropped open. "Doc . . . I'm sorry. I didn't . . . "

Beckett was coughing and gasping for air, his hand rubbing his throat, fear in his eyes. Sheppard rolled off him to a sitting position in the floor next to him, and brought one hand up to his head.

Beckett recovered quickly and moved over closer to Sheppard. "It's all right, Colonel. I didn't mean to startle you. Did you hit your head?"

Sheppard just looked at him blankly. "I . . . I don't remember."

Teyla stepped forward a step. "Doctor, I believe he may have hit his head when our jumper crashed. He was disoriented for a few minutes afterward, but then he seemed to be all right."

Beckett nodded as he felt Sheppard's head for signs of injury. "Do you know if he was unconscious for any length of time?"

"I am not certain, but he may have been unconscious for a short period, perhaps a minute or two."

"Well, we have a pretty good bump right at his hairline in the front and another goose egg on the side of his head. I'm guessing he may have gotten the second one when you came through the gate. Judging from the way you looked when I arrived, I'm assuming you came through the gate at a run."

"Yes, we had to make it through the gate quickly to avoid being hit by the wraith."

"I suspected as much. He's probably got a concussion at the very least. Colonel, we need to get you to the infirmary. I suspect you'll be spending a day or two with me."

Sheppard suddenly pulled away from Beckett. "No, I can't." He rolled over to his knees and then quickly stood up, swaying unsteadily. He lurched to his right and would have crashed to the floor if one of the marines had not been standing there to grab his arm and pull him back upright. "I have to go. I have to help them."

Beckett got to his feet as the soldier held onto Sheppard, who was struggling to pull away. Beckett put his hands on Sheppard's shoulders and got close to his face.

"Colonel, you've been injured. I need you to come to the infirmary with me."

"No, I have to help them. They sent them out there without any backup."

"Who, sir," asked the marine, frowning in confusion.

"Mitch and Dex. They sent them out without backup. I need to get to my chopper." Sheppard pulled away from the marine and staggered, falling to his knees. Teyla and Ronon were by his side almost as soon as he hit the floor. They each took and arm and helped Sheppard to his feet.

Sheppard reached up and rubbed his left shoulder. "Don't! It makes my shoulder hurt. I have to go."

Beckett positioned himself in front of Sheppard again. "Colonel, I need you to come to the infirmary with me. They've already sent backup to help Mitch and Dex. They have been taken care of, I promise. You need to come with me so I can treat your injuries."

Sheppard frowned, still rubbing his shoulder. "They sent backup? You're sure?"

Beckett nodded. "I'm sure. Please Colonel. Mitch and Dex would want you to come with me."

Sheppard thought for a second and then looked back up at Beckett, frowning. "I . . . I don't feel good."

Beckett's features relaxed a bit as he sensed some of the fight going out of Sheppard. "I know, son, that's why you need to come with me."

Sheppard nodded and began to sink as his legs gave way beneath him. Teyla and Ronon took his arms once again, supporting him.

"Doc . . . sick . . . " Sheppard suddenly leaned forward and vomited, with Beckett dodging to one side just in time to avoid it. Ronon and Teyla held Sheppard up until he was able to stop and then guided him to the nearest gurney and eased him onto it. "Sorry," Sheppard muttered.

"It's all right, lad, think nothing of it. Does your head hurt?"

Sheppard sat staring at the floor for several seconds until Beckett kneeled in front of him. "Colonel, does your head hurt?"

"Yeah, head hurts. My shoulder hurts, too."

"I know. I'm going to help you lie down now and I want you to lay on your right side so we don't hurt your shoulder."

Beckett glanced at Teyla. "Do you know how he injured his shoulder?"

Teyla shrugged. "I was not aware it was injured. They had our arms around a pole across our back and then our wrists bound in the front. It was very uncomfortable. Perhaps they injured his shoulder when they pulled his arms back to bind him. They were not gentle." Teyla grimaced and rolled her own shoulders, remembering the pain of having her arms wrenched back forcefully.

Beckett nodded as he remembered seeing the type of confinement Teyla was describing. "I'd probably better check everyone's shoulders for injury." Beckett turned his attention back to helping the injured pilot lay down.

Sheppard allowed himself to be eased onto his right side. The attendants buckled him in, raised the gurney, and then headed toward the infirmary. Beckett, Teyla, and Ronon walked along beside and just behind him.

Sheppard clutched at the side of the stretcher and squeezed his eyes closed as the dizziness became almost unbearable. The movement down the hall was increasing the rate of the spinning and making his stomach begin to lurch again. He could taste the bile crawling up his throat as he tried to swallow it back down.

"Stop!"

Beckett moved over to Sheppard and helped him as he tried to lean up and forward, hanging over the side of the stretcher. He gagged as they worked and began to heave almost as soon as he reached the edge. This time there wasn't much to expel, but Sheppard dry-heaved for several seconds, finally falling back against the thin mattress. Beckett took a cloth from the nurse and wiped Sheppard's mouth.

"Colonel, do you think you can make it now?"

Sheppard just moaned softly.

Beckett sighed. "I'll take that as a yes. Let's go." He turned to the nurse who had handed him the cloth.

"Go, doctor. I'll get this taken care of," she said as she motioned to the floor.

Beckett nodded and continued with the stretcher, thankful for such a good staff. They arrived at the infirmary a few minutes later, setting the brakes on the gurney. Beckett motioned for Teyla and Ronon to move to other beds in the infirmary and then he instructed his staff.

"I want everyone's vital signs and a preliminary report on their injuries. I've got to check the Colonel and get some tests ordered, but then I'll be getting back with you on the condition of the other team members. I think you'd better start with Ronon. Marcy, you're with me."

One nurse stayed with Beckett and the others scattered, spreading out to check the other people in the infirmary. Beckett and Marcy stepped over to stand on either side of Sheppard and Beckett began taking his vital signs as Marcy cut his shirt off. She was glad to see that she didn't have to make her way through a jacket and vest this time. Sheppard was quiet and still, apparently unconscious again.

"We'll definitely need a skull series to rule out a fracture and we'd probably better get that shoulder x-rayed as well," said Beckett as he worked.

"Doctor, you'll want to see this," said Marcy as she removed the rest of Sheppard's shirt.

Beckett glanced down to see bruises beginning to form across Sheppard's chest. Beckett winced, recognizing the pattern. "Impact with the console when they crashed. We'll need to check for broken ribs too. Find out who else was sitting in the front with him so we can make sure they are examined as well."

Marcy nodded. "I'll call the x-ray tech and check on that."

As Marcy moved away, Sheppard moaned and began to stir. Beckett watched as his eyes opened a slit and he tried to focus on his surroundings.

"Colonel, you're in the infirmary. Do you remember what happened?"

Sheppard brought his hand up to his head and gently probed the side of it, grimacing as he contacted the bump. "Hit my head?" He didn't actually remember, but the pain and the bump were definitely clues. His thoughts seemed jumbled and he wasn't sure where he was. He moved his hand to look into the worried face peering down at him and recognized it as that of a doctor, but he couldn't put his finger on the name. Glancing around the room, he realized it didn't look right. Familiar faces were staring at him from across the infirmary and yet he couldn't place their names either. He was starting to get worried when he was hit by a sense of urgency. There was something he was supposed to be doing.

Sheppard suddenly sat straight up, almost bumping his head against Beckett's. "I've got to go." He quickly threw his legs over the side of the bed before Beckett could stop him. The doctor grabbed his arm as he hit the floor and weaved dangerously to one side.

"Colonel, you're injured. I need you to get back in bed."

"No, I've got to go after Mitch and Dex. Where's my chopper?" He tried to pull away from Beckett, but the doctor held on firmly, pushing Sheppard back toward the bed.

"Colonel, you can't go. I've already told you, they have been taken care of. Your orders are to stay here."

"No, I . . . " Sheppard's voice trailed off as his eyes slid closed and he began sliding to the floor. Beckett caught him under the arms and almost immediately two nurses appeared to help him push Sheppard back onto the bed.

As they got him settled, Marcy turned to Beckett. "They're ready for him in x-ray."

Beckett nodded. "Okay, get him to x-ray. Make sure someone is with him at all times in case he wakes up. I don't want him wandering out of here."

Marcy nodded and turned her attention to the bed with Sheppard. Beckett walked over to his worried team members sitting on adjacent beds.

"What's wrong with him?" demanded McKay.

"It's the head injury, Rodney. He's got a concussion at the very least and it's left him a bit disoriented."

"Disoriented? Are you kidding? That goes way beyond disoriented. He's in a different galaxy, not to mention a different year than the rest of us. I'd say he's downright confused. And when did he get a head injury?"

"Teyla suspects he hit his head on the jumper console during the crash, and I found a bump on his forehead that would seem to substantiate that. I found another one on the side of his head. I suspect he slammed his head on the floor when you came barreling through the gate. I'm not sure which one is causing the problems, or it could be both. But with the nausea and the disorientation, I'm sure he has a concussion."

"The Colonel will recover, though, right?" asked Teyla.

Beckett nodded. "I'm sure he will, lass. I may do CT scan to check for intracranial hemorrhaging, but I expect he'll be fine in time. Now how are you three doing?"

He turned his attention to Ronon and walked over to look at his leg. The nurse that had been cleaning the wound looked up at Beckett.

"I think I finally have the injury clean, doctor, and it got pretty red and inflamed under all that dirt." Ronon growled, but the petite nurse ignored him and continued. "You may want to hit him with some IV antibiotics to get in a good lick at the beginning."

Beckett nodded as he explored the entry and exit wounds. "I think you're right. At least the bleeding seems to have stopped. Once you get him bandaged up, get him some scrubs and we'll start him on an IV." Beckett turned to the scowling Satedan, now in full lecturing doctor mode. "And Ronon, son, we don't ever remove a penetrating object in the field. If it's blocking a blood vessel and you remove it, you could bleed to death in a matter of minutes."

Ronon grunted. "But I didn't."

"I know, but you were lucky. You might not be so lucky next time." Beckett turned to his next patient. "Teyla, how are you getting along?"

"I am fine, just a bit sore." She looked at the abrasions on her wrists. "The nurse has cleaned up my injuries and they are feeling much better."

"Where were you sitting when the jumper crashed?"

"I was in the seat next to Colonel Sheppard."

Beckett grinned. "Ah, then we'll need to examine you for rib injuries as well. I'm guessing you were thrown against the console along with Colonel Sheppard."

"I _am_ rather sore from the crash, but I do not believe that I am seriously injured."

"Well, you won't mind if I just check to be sure."

Teyla nodded. "As you wish."

Beckett turned to McKay. "Okay, Rodney, and what about you?"

McKay hesitated, realizing that everyone was looking at him. "I know I have . . . that is, I mean I have . . . oh, fine. I'll live."

Beckett took McKay's hands and examined the red scrapes around his wrists. One of the nurses had cleaned them and he saw no sign of bleeding or infection. "Did you say you hit your head earlier?"

"Well, I didn't actually hit my head, it was more like I bumped by mouth. I thought I had chipped a tooth, but the nurse said she didn't see anything. My lip's kind of swollen and sore on the inside, but other than that, I guess I'm okay."

Beckett nodded. "I'll get the nurse to get you some pain reliever. Teyla, let's have a look at those ribs before Colonel Sheppard gets back from x-ray." Beckett drew the privacy curtain around Teyla's bed.

McKay and Ronon looked up at the sound of approaching footsteps to see Elizabeth enter the infirmary. Spotting them, she quickly made her way over to their beds.

"Ronon, Rodney, are you two okay?"

McKay nodded. "I'm fine, just a busted lip and some bruises. Conan here took an arrow to the leg, which he promptly removed on his own. Looks like he gets to stay the night."

Ronon growled at McKay, causing the scientist to cringe and scoot back a little on the bed. "Hey, I'm just reporting what happened. I'm not the one that shot you."

Elizabeth smiled as she looked around the room. Spotting a strange man with a marine guard at the far end of the infirmary, she motioned his direction. "Who is that?"

McKay followed her gaze. "Oh, that's Eldon. He helped us escape and, in return, we told him he could come back with us. He's waiting on Carson to check him out."

"And what do we do with him after that?"

McKay shrugged. "How do I know? Sheppard's the one who made the deal. You'll have to ask him."

Eyeing the pulled curtain, she continued to question McKay. "And who's behind curtain number one?"

"Dr. Beckett is checking Teyla's ribs for possible injury from the jumper crash," replied Ronon.

"Okay, now that just leaves one missing team member. Where's John hiding?"

"X-ray," replied McKay. "He apparently hit his head and it knocked him for a loop – and I do mean a big loop. The man's a bit bonkers right now, if you get my drift."

Elizabeth frowned. "No, I don't know what you mean."

Beckett pulled the curtain back. "Don't listen to Rodney. I'll explain in a minute." He turned back to give Teyla a hand off the table.

"Teyla, are you all right?" asked Elizabeth.

"She's fine. She's a bit bruised, but I don't think she's cracked any ribs. Just take it easy for a few days and give yourself time to heal. No stick fighting for a few days, either. I'll have the nurse get you some Tylenol."

Teyla nodded and went to stand by Elizabeth. "Thank you for opening the gate for us. It was a close call."

"Yes, we saw. I'm glad everyone made it back. Now what about John?"

"He has a rather nasty concussion and he's been a bit disoriented," replied Beckett.

McKay rolled his eyes. "Oh, please. Carson had to practically tie him down to keep him here. He kept popping up trying to rescue people in his chopper. I'm telling you, the man is more than just a little disoriented."

"Rodney!" Beckett snapped.

"Okay, okay. I'm just saying . . . "

They all turned at the sound of Marcy and a male med tech wheeling Sheppard's bed into the main part of the infirmary. "Thanks," said Marcy as the tech locked the wheels, nodded, and left.

Everyone but Ronon moved toward Sheppard's bed. Beckett gave the Satedan a warning glare before turning back to Marcy. "How's he doing?"

"He's been in and out, but he hasn't tried to get up any more. X-rays should be up shortly."

Beckett moved over beside Sheppard and took his pulse. As he checked Sheppard's pupils with the pen light, the pilot tried to bat his hand away, groaning as he cracked his eyes open.

"Ssssop," he slurred.

Elizabeth moved to the other side of the bed. "John, it's Elizabeth. I'm glad to see you made it back in one piece."

Sheppard lay quietly for a few seconds, staring at the ceiling. "Screwed up," he mumbled softly.

Elizabeth brushed the hair gently from his forehead. "No you didn't. Everyone made it back safely."

Sheppard closed his eyes. "No . . . didn't make it in time. Both dead."

Elizabeth frowned as she stroked the side of his face, trying to keep him linked to consciousness. "Who's dead?"

"Mitch . . . Dex . . . screwed up and . . . now they're dead." They all stood silently for several minutes as Sheppard drifted back to sleep.

McKay finally broke the silence, but his voice was soft, almost whispered. "Suddenly losing a puddle jumper doesn't seem quite so bad, considering what we could have lost."

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Dazed and Confused - Chapter 2

Elizabeth stepped into Beckett's office and set a cup of coffee on his desk. "I thought you could use this after the afternoon you had."

Beckett inhaled the rich scent deeply before sipping the hot liquid. "Aye, you'd be right. Thank you Elizabeth."

Elizabeth sat down in a chair and sipped coffee from her own cup. "I know I needed a cup. Did you finally get everyone cleared away?"

"Aye, Rodney and Teyla have been sent to their quarters to rest with mostly scrapes and bruises. I'm keeping Ronon for a day or so to get some strong antibiotics into his system. There's no telling what was on that arrow they shot him with. What's his name . . . Eldon, Major Lorne was going to set him up in some empty quarters with a guard for now."

Elizabeth nodded. "What about John?"

"I've looked at his x-rays. There's no sign of a skull fracture, which is good. I'm betting we're just dealing with a severe concussion, probably made worse by the fact that he was hit twice in one day. No broken ribs, just bruised up a bit like Teyla. They'll both be rather sore for a few days, though. He seems to have aggravated an old injury in his left shoulder. I'll keep it immobilized for a couple of days and then check to make sure it's healing. It looks like he's had surgery on it already once or twice and I'm sure the way they were bound is the reason for this newest set back."

Elizabeth frowned. "I don't remember John ever saying anything about it before. Do you know how his shoulder was originally injured?"

Beckett sighed and nodded. "Aye, I've just been going over that part of his file. He went down behind enemy lines a few years ago and his crew was captured. Has Teyla or Rodney told you how they were bound with their arms around the poles?"

Elizabeth nodded. "Yes, and it sounds horrible."

"Well, when the Colonel's chopper went down, he was injured and apparently his shoulder was dislocated. When they were captured, they were bound in much the same way as the team was today and left that way for several days."

Elizabeth grimaced. "I can't even imagine how much that had to hurt."

"After looking at this, I'm amazed he recovered the range of motion he did in that shoulder. I've noticed the surgical scars before, but never asked what happened. I was usually more concerned with his current injuries."

"Has he come to any more?"

"He drifts in and out, but he hasn't been coherent enough to talk to in the last couple of hours. I was just about to go check on him. Would you like to join me?"

"Yes, I would actually." They set their coffee on Beckett's desk as they stood and walked out of his office. Approaching Sheppard's bed, Elizabeth noticed they had started an IV.

Beckett saw her looking at it. "After being held hostage most of the day, the Colonel vomited a couple of times. I started an IV so he doesn't get dehydrated."

Elizabeth nodded. Walking up to stand beside Sheppard, she looked down at his still form. "He's okay, right?"

"He should be fine, it just may take a day or two for him to get over the effects of the head injury. I am keeping a bit of an eye on him for complications, just in case, but I'm not expecting any problems."

"Is Sheppard all right?" They turned to see Ronon, propped up on one arm and looking their direction.

Beckett walked over to his bed. "He'll be fine. I was just telling Dr. Weir that it might take a couple of days for him to recover. How's your leg?"

"My leg is fine. I should not be in here."

Beckett checked his IV and made sure it hadn't been "accidentally" disconnected. "Be a good boy and I'll let you go tomorrow, but you need to be right here tonight. Believe me, you don't want an infection in that leg."

Ronon growled and lay back in the bed. Beckett smiled and patted him on the arm. "Just get some rest. We'll take care of the Colonel."

Beckett turned back to Elizabeth and motioned toward his office with his head. Elizabeth nodded and headed that way. She stepped into Beckett's office and collected her coffee cup. "I guess I'd better go finish working on those reports. I just wanted to check in with you."

"Well, thank you for the coffee. And don't stay up too late working. You need to get your rest."

Elizabeth smiled as she narrowed her eyes. "And exactly when will you be going to bed?"

Beckett scratched his head. "I think I'd better stay close to Colonel Sheppard tonight. He keeps trying to wander off."

"That's what I thought. We're lucky to have you, Carson. Try to get at least a little sleep. Good night."

"Thanks, lass, just doing my job. Good night to you, too."

oOo

"Doc? I think you'd better wake up."

"Wha . . . what?" Beckett rubbed his eyes and straightened up, almost falling out of the chair. He looked around the darkened room, trying to figure out what had awakened him.

"Beckett, you're losing a patient."

Beckett whirled around at the sound of Ronon's voice. "What?"

Ronon smiled at him and nodded toward Sheppard's bed. Beckett turned back around just in time to hear the IV pole crash to the floor and see Sheppard shuffling away from his bed. He jumped to his feet. "Bloody heck."

Beckett rushed over to Sheppard and grabbed him by the arm. "Colonel, where are you going now?" Beckett began trying to steer Sheppard back to the bed.

Sheppard tried futilely to pull away. "No, I have to go to the bathroom."

Beckett stopped. "Oh, well, okay. Just a minute though, I have to get your IV pole back up." Sheppard paused as Beckett leaned over and stood the IV pole back up. He quickly checked to make sure that the IV was still hooked up to back of Sheppard's hand. "Okay, Colonel, I think we're ready now."

Beckett had to gently redirect Sheppard when he headed for Beckett's office as he pushed the IV stand along. Several minutes and wrong turns later, Sheppard finally crawled back into bed. Beckett got him settled and rechecked his IV and shoulder bandages. "Well, Colonel, it seems we have you back in bed, all safe and sound. Why don't you go back to sleep now."

Sheppard was asleep almost before Beckett stopped talking. Beckett stretched and yawned, trying to decide whether to search out a cup of coffee or not. He turned to check on Ronon and found the Satedan watching him.

"Thank you for waking me Ronon. I guess I fell asleep at my post."

Ronon shrugged. "We all have to sleep sometime. You are very concerned about your patients."

"Well, yes, of course I am."

Ronon just looked at him for several seconds. "You're not too bad, for a doctor."

Beckett hesitated "Uh, thank you Ronon, I do my best."

"Take good care of Sheppard. I'm getting kind of used to him."

Beckett smiled and nodded. "I will. Can I get you anything? Are you in pain?"

"No, I'm good."

Beckett wondered briefly if Ronon and Sheppard had attended the same school for soldier replies to medical questions. "Okay, then, try to get some sleep."

Beckett elected to go for the coffee. He wandered into the room they had designated as a break room only to discover the coffee pot was empty. He began making a new pot and picked up a magazine from the table while he waited. By the time the coffee was finished, he knew way too much about how to pick your perfect mate and he was pretty sure he would never be anyone's perfect mate. He deposited the magazine in the garbage on the way out the door.

Beckett sipped his coffee as he stood looking at his two patients. Both seemed to be sleeping peacefully, so he elected to divert to his office and get some paperwork done. He was totally engrossed in reviewing and updating charts an hour later when the duty nurse stuck her head in his office.

"Dr. Beckett, Colonel Sheppard's getting restless and I thought you'd want to know."

Beckett nodded. "Aye, thanks Sherry, I'll be right out." Beckett shook his head as he stood up and stifled a yawn. This was turning into a very long night.

Beckett could both see and hear Sheppard shifting beneath his blanket and groaning softly before he was anywhere near the bed. As he reached Sheppard, he glanced at the next bed and saw Ronon was awake and watching. "Don't you ever sleep?"

Ronon just rolled over slightly so he could see better. "Do you?"

"Not much when he's around," Beckett said as he smiled.

Ronon nodded. "I'm beginning to see that."

Sheppard suddenly drew in a sharp breath and stiffened. Beckett touched him lightly on the shoulder. "Colonel, are you okay?"

Sheppard's eyelids fluttered a few times before finally opening. He looked up at Beckett, his eyelids drooping lazily. "Where?"

"You're in the infirmary, lad."

"You . . . found us."

Beckett nodded and smiled as he patted Sheppard's arm. "Yes, Colonel, we found you. You're back safe in Atlantis."

Sheppard blinked several times and swallowed. "Did they get Johnson's body? He didn't make it."

Beckett sighed and thought, _here we go again_. "Johnson?"

Sheppard frowned. "He just asked for extra water and they shot him. Why would you do that? What kind of person shoots someone because they asked for water?" Sheppard closed his eyes, grimacing at the memory. "He didn't even ask for himself. It was for me and Lovens. We were injured and sick and he knew we were getting dehydrated. I told him not to ask . . . but he was so worried."

Beckett wasn't sure what to do or say, so he just tried to comfort Sheppard. "It's okay, you're safe now and they can't hurt you any more."

Sheppard gave a slight nod and opened his eyes. "He was just a kid. He showed me a picture of his fiancée, his high school sweetheart. They just shot him right in front of us." Sheppard lifted up and tried to look at his chest and arms. "I had his blood all over me. We tried to stop the bleeding, but it wasn't enough. I kept telling him he'd be okay, just to hang on. I told him you'd come for us. I . . . I think he believed me at first, but . . . after a while he knew. He knew he was dying."

Sheppard rubbed at his chest with his good arm, as if he was trying to wipe something off. "There's so much blood."

Beckett grabbed his wrist and held his hand down firmly against this chest. "Colonel, there's no blood. That was a long time ago and you're in Atlantis now. You're safe, lad, I promise, and I'm going to take care of you. I want you to relax and go back to sleep."

Sheppard frowned, but he relaxed and quit struggling against Beckett's grip. "There's no blood?"

"No son, there's no blood. Now get some sleep."

Sheppard looked around, his eyes finally resting on Ronon. "Are you injured too?"

Ronon pushed up on his elbow. "Yeah, I'm injured too. Dr. Beckett is a good doctor, though, and he'll take care of us."

"Who's standing watch? Someone always has to stand watch."

"I will," said Beckett.

Sheppard looked at him for a few seconds and then nodded. "Okay."

Beckett let go of Sheppard's wrist. "How's your shoulder? Does it hurt much?"

"Not bad, not like when they first wrenched it back. I tried to tell them it was dislocated, but they didn't care." Sheppard grinned. "I think Big Dog wished he'd listened though after I threw up all over his uniform."

"Big Dog? Who's Big Dog?"

"Guy in charge. I never could pronounce his name so I just called him BigDog, cause that's what he thought he was. He just laughed when I asked them to let me set my arm before they tied me up. That guy jerked my arm back and I saw stars, literally. The next thing I knew, I was barfing all over Big Dog's uniform." He rubbed the side of his face absently, his eyes looking far beyond Beckett. "Of course I don't remember much about the next two days, but it was worth it to see the look on his face."

Beckett frowned and glanced over at Ronon, whose expression mirrored the way Beckett felt. Beckett looked back down at Sheppard, his eyes beginning to close again.

"Go to sleep, Colonel." He watched until Sheppard's eyes had closed and his breathing had evened out. He was learning a lot about Sheppard and the more he learned, the more amazed he was that the man wasn't a basket case locked away somewhere. He was beginning to understand some things about Sheppard – his obsession with not leaving men behind, his quiet protection of his past life, the brooding nature he occasionally displayed in times of stress, the nightmares he tried to hide. What he didn't understand was how the man was still such an optimist most of the time or the light way he joked and teased almost daily. He was dumbfounded at how the man could find so much humor with past as dark as his seemed to be.

Beckett looked at Ronon to find him still watching Sheppard, a frown on his face. He knew the former runner had suffered through many of his own horrors in the years of running from the Wraith, and yet he almost looked like he was standing guard over Sheppard. It looked like Sheppard had a new watchdog.

oOo

Standing and stretching, Beckett decided to take one more look at his patients and turn it over the the nurses for a few hours while he got some sleep. It was almost morning, but both men had been quiet for several hours now, so he felt like it would be safe to leave. A hot shower and a few hours sleep and he'd be as good as new – well, that and a few more cups of coffee. He headed into the main infirmary, going to Ronon's bed first.

He checked Ronon's IV and watched the man sleep for a few minutes. He didn't want to wake him after the chaotic night he'd had, so he decided he could forgo taking the man's pulse. He'd need to get the duty nurse to hang a new IV bag soon, as Ronon's was almost empty.

He moved over to Sheppard's bed to find him lying there with his eye open, apparently looking at the ceiling.

"Colonel, are you awake?"

Sheppard blinked and shifted his eyes to look at Beckett. "Where am I?"

Beckett sighed. "You're in the infirmary in Atlantis."

"Atlantis. I know Atlantis." He looked back up at the ceiling for a moment, as if he was lost in thought. "Yeah . . . I can hear her now."

Beckett frowned. "You hear Atlantis? What do you hear?"

Sheppard smiled and closed his eyes. "It's hard to describe, sort of like a hum, but more . . . alive. She talks to me, you know, in my head. I didn't know what it was for a long time, but now I'm beginning to understand. I've tried talking back to her, but I haven't quite figured it out."

Beckett's eyes widened. "Atlantis talks to you? Have you told anyone? You need to tell Elizabeth and Rodney."

Sheppard sighed. "No, I can't tell people I talk to a city, they'll think I'm crazy."

Beckett chuckled. "Colonel, our ideas about what makes a person crazy have definitely changed since coming to the Pegasus Galaxy. I think they are more likely to be fascinated than to think you are crazy. You should tell them."

Sheppard looked at him through slitted eyelids and smiled. "I think she needs me. I can feel her the minute I walk through the gate and it's like she smiles. It's kind of nice to feel needed."

"Oh, I think it's safe to say that all of us here in Atlantis need you."

"No, we need Elizabeth and Rodney and you. It would be really hard to run this city without any of you. I'm just a soldier and soldiers are expendable. We're expendable and replaceable."

Beckett frowned. "Colonel, you can't really think that – that you're expendable."

Sheppard furrowed his brow and cocked his head slightly to one side. "Of course I'm expendable. That's just the way it is, Doc, it's not a problem. I'm used to it. I've had that label most of my life. I'm okay with it."

Beckett felt like someone had punched him. He wasn't sure what appalled him more, the fact that Sheppard thought of himself as expendable or the fact that he was so at ease with the idea. 'Well, you shouldn't be, Colonel. No one should feel that way and you certainly should never be okay with it, although it does explain a lot of things. I think we'll have to have a long talk when you're feeling better."

Sheppard smiled. 'You worry too much, Doc. Some things you just have to learn to accept. Military people are expendable – we have to be. A lot of us are going to be killed."

Beckett shook his head. "I'll never agree with that, Colonel. But it's early and I don't want to argue the point with you now. I think you need to get back to sleep."

Sheppard yawned, his eyes already closing. "No argument there, Doc."

Beckett patted him on the shoulder. "Good to have you back, Colonel."

Sheppard struggled to open his eyes again. "Was I gone somewhere?"

Beckett smiled. "In a manner of speaking. We'll talk tomorrow."

Sheppard closed his eyes and mumbled softly as he drifted off to sleep. Beckett shook his head again and looked across the infirmary in time to see Ronon pull the covers up close around his shoulders. He smiled as he thought about hanging a sign that said 'Watchdog at Work'.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Thank you for all the wonderful reviews – I love you all. This is the final chapter. I know what you're thinking – Titan5 did a story in 3 chapters? Kind of shocked myself. And it was even pretty quick – the wonders of spring break. Thanks to Shelly for having me write this, it was fun! I hope you enjoy!

Dazed and Confused - Chapter 3

Sheppard heard a mixture of voices around him and he slowly began trying to understand them, to remember who the voices belonged to. They were familiar and yet unfamiliar. He listened for other sounds he would recognize, the sounds of airplanes flying overhead or helicopters taking off, the sound of explosions in the distance. None of these sounds were forthcoming, causing him to feel confused and misplaced. He was finally aware enough to realize there was only one way to figure out what was going on. He opened his eyes.

Several people surrounded his bed, sitting in chairs or on the edge of adjacent beds. He knew them, but was having trouble remembering names. They were there, he just couldn't bring them to mind. He looked around the room, deciding it was definitely an infirmary, although he wasn't sure where it was located.

"Colonel Sheppard?"

Sheppard looked up into the familiar face of a doctor. Well, at least he had the Sheppard part right. "Yeah?"

The other people around the room had gotten quiet and were focused on him and the doctor, making Sheppard feel a bit like he was on display.

"Do you remember where you're at lad?"

"The infirmary . . . but not in Afghanistan I assume." The doctor looked disappointed and Sheppard sighed, feeling as though he'd let everyone down and he didn't even know why.

"You're in Atlantis."

"Atlantis, Sheppard, Atlantis!" Another familiar face appeared on the other side of his bed. The man was obviously agitated, waving his hands around wildly as he talked, a gesture that seemed oddly familiar to Sheppard. "My God, have you not figured out where you are yet? We came through the stargate to Atlantis over a year ago and we've been fighting the Wraith ever since. How can you not remember that? Snap out of it, already." He looked up at the doctor, his face red as he sputtered. "Do something, Carson. Can't you give him some kind of drug or hit him in the head again or shock him or something?"

Sheppard closed his eyes against the building headache. "I got it McKay!" He was remembering their names and where they were, a rush of information tumbling through his thoughts, causing the room to spin and his stomach to rebel.

He felt a hand on his and a soft voice asked, "John, are you alright?"

He opened his eyes to see Elizabeth. "Dizzy."

"Just lie still, Colonel, and it will probably pass in a minute." This time he knew who Beckett was. He knew who they all were and it seemed odd that he hadn't just a minute ago. He closed his eyes again as his thoughts swirled around almost as fast as the room was spinning. He just wanted to go back to sleep and start all over. But then the grip on his hand tightened and he felt the spinning begin to slow down.

"Colonel, is it any better?"

Sheppard opened his eyes and looked at Beckett. "Yeah, I think so," he whispered.

"Good, just take it easy." Beckett turned to McKay, pursing his lips. "And you, I'd better not catch you yelling at the Colonel any more. He's doing the best he can and you're not helping by getting up in his face and hollering at him."

McKay backed up a step as Beckett stepped forward. "Okay, I'm sorry. It was just getting frustrating."

"Then how do you think it feels to him?" asked Ronon.

McKay nodded. "I guess I didn't think of that."

Sheppard opened his eyes and looked around the room. Everyone looked somewhat beat up, but no one seemed to be seriously injured. "Is every one okay?"

"They're all fine, Colonel, now how are you?" Beckett proceeded to shine his penlight in each eye, but Sheppard just lay there and let him. "Do you remember what happened?"

Sheppard thought a few seconds before responding. "Part of it I think. We were captured by the prisoners on the island and held hostage. I think we were running from Wraith and then . . . nothing."

Elizabeth nodded. "You and your team barely made it back to Atlantis before the Wraith got you. Dr. Beckett said you probably hit your head once in the jumper crash and again coming through the gate. That's why you've been so disoriented."

Sheppard frowned. "Disoriented? Like when I woke up just now?"

McKay snorted. "It was a little more serious than that. You kept looking for your helicopter."

"My what?"

"Helicopter. You know, whirly-bird thing that flies through the air. You brought General O'Neill to the outpost in Antarctica in one."

Sheppard would have rolled his eyes, but he was pretty sure that would have been followed by losing his lunch, so he bypassed that idea. "McKay, I know what a helicopter is."

"Colonel, what Rodney is so . . . eloquently trying to tell you is that you were somewhat confused and sometimes talked as if you were reliving things in your past," said Beckett. "Not to worry, though, since you seem to have caught up with present day events."

Sheppard frowned and tried to remember what had happened between running from the Wraith and now. He vaguely remembered weird dreams, a mixture of Afghanistan and Atlantis, but none of it made any sense. "How long have we been back?"

"You got back about this time yesterday, so around twenty-four hours," said Elizabeth. "Do you remember anything?"

"Not really," Sheppard sighed. He hated losing time. He shifted in the bed and grimaced, bringing his right hand up to his left shoulder. He realized that the shoulder had been immobilized, spurring him to remember their captors painfully jerking his arms back around the pole.

"Guess I messed my shoulder up again."

Beckett smiled. "Not so bad this time. There is some inflammation and swelling, but I don't think you've torn anything loose. If you keep it immobilized for a few days and let it heal, I don't think you'll need surgery or anything this time."

Sheppard relaxed a little against the pillows. He really didn't want to do the surgery and physical therapy thing again.

McKay poked his head up over Beckett's shoulder. "What did you do to your shoulder?"

Sheppard was looking at Beckett, seeing knowledge in the man's eyes, knowledge about his original injury and the events surrounding it. There was something else there that he didn't like – sympathy. It made him wonder exactly what he'd said while he'd been 'disoriented'.

"It's nothing, McKay. I dislocated my shoulder several years ago and it keeps giving me problems." Sheppard looked down at his feet, suddenly feeling like the people around him knew entirely too much. He needed to steer the conversation in a different direction.

"Any chance we might recover the jumper?"

Elizabeth smiled down at him. "I don't think so, John. The Wraith were heading for the city when we left, so it may not be safe to go back there for a while. Rodney says the chances of fixing the jumper were somewhat remote, anyway."

McKay stepped forward. "They were remote without the proper materials or equipment, neither of which were available on the planet. If we could get the jumper back to Atlantis, or maybe go back with the proper equipment, I think I can repair it."

"Well, that may be a while," stated Elizabeth authoritatively. "I'm not risking any lives for a jumper we could use, but don't have to have." She moved her hand and brought it down on Sheppard's right leg.

Sheppard yelped and jerked his legs up as he folded his body momentarily into a V-shape. The sudden movement pulled on his shoulder and ribs and spiked his headache, causing him to groan softly as he eased himself back down into the pillows with his eyes tightly closed against the pain and dizziness. The world continued to swirl in a fog of pain and darkness for several moments until he finally began to focus in on the voices around him.

"Colonel Sheppard, I need you to talk to me. Just relax and try to open your eyes."

He focused in on Beckett's voice as the room settled and opened his eyes to find Beckett hovering over him, just as he'd expected. "I'm okay, Doc," he said softly, surprised at how weak he sounded. He swallowed a couple of times, still fighting the nausea.

"I'm sorry, John, I didn't know your leg was injured." Elizabeth was looking down at him, her brow furrowed in worry.

"Just a bruise."

"We did find a rather nasty bruise just over your right knee, Colonel. Any idea how it happened?"

Sheppard winced. That part he remembered perfectly, although he wished he didn't. Yeah, he had a nice visual image of what he probably looked like trying to snap the branch over his knee like Teyla had done and failing miserable. Just one more example of Teyla outdoing him. He realized if he dwelled too much on events like that, it could do serious damage to his confidence in his manhood. Better not to dwell.

"I know exactly how it happened and I'm pleading the fifth." He watched Elizabeth's eyebrows shoot up and gave her his best 'I dare you to ask' glare. He shifted his gaze over to see Teyla and Ronon smile as they shared a glance and it made him wonder if they had seen his little mishap. He decided that he really didn't want to know. Sometimes ignorance was bliss – or at least pretty close.

"Well, I'm guessing there's an interesting story in there somewhere," smirked Elizabeth.

"I'm not . . . " Sheppard broke off as his dry throat finally caught up with him and he launched into a coughing fit. It only lasted a few seconds, but was enough to push his headache up about three notches and start a fire in his bruised ribs. He was beginning to see spots in his vision by the time he relaxed back against the pillows. McKay appeared with a cup of water and he and Beckett helped Sheppard sit up so he could drink. The water felt so good going down that he tried to drink quickly, suddenly feeling very thirsty. Beckett pushed the cup away.

"Slow down, Colonel, not too fast. You'll make yourself sick."

Sheppard leaned back against the pillows as they eased him back down, savoring the cool moisture left behind from the water. He thought for a second that water had never tasted so good, and then he remembered another time. Suddenly images of Johnson asking for more water filled his head. "Oh, no," he whispered as he closed his eyes and willed the next part not to come. He jumped as he heard the shot in his head and saw the shocked look on the kid's face as he stumbled backwards in the cell, falling with a thump to the dirt floor. The horror and grief hit him raw and fresh, completely catching him off guard. "Shit," he mumbled.

Beckett watched Sheppard's face go from relaxed to being twisted in pain as he closed his eyes and whispered to himself. Beckett was beginning to lean toward Sheppard when the pilot jumped in response to something the rest of them couldn't hear. Sheppard then rolled over on his side and curled up as he once again mumbled to himself and made a whimpering sound. Beckett was connecting the dots in his head when Sheppard suddenly gagged, prompting the doctor to pull Sheppard over to the side of the bed and hold him as he hung over the edge, vomiting. Beckett supported him until the dry heaves had ceased and then eased Sheppard back onto the bed. Sheppard curled up, wrapping his arms around his aching ribs and panting shallowly.

One of the nurses heard the commotion and came quickly to Beckett's side, bringing a damp cloth with her. Beckett took it and began wiping Sheppard's face, now coated with a thin layer of sweat. "Get me some Compazine," he directed her. When he had Sheppard settled, he turned back to his surprised visitors.

"I think you should go now. I'm getting him some Compazine for the nausea and it'll make him drowsy, which is okay because he needs the rest. He probably won't be up to visitors again until tomorrow." Taking in their worried, confused faces, he decided they probably needed more reassurance. "He'll be okay. I think some things that happened combined with the injuries have awakened some memories that aren't very pleasant for the Colonel. He just needs some time to sort through them and deal with them. This has been a little more serious that his standard bump on the head and it's going to take him some time to get over. You just need to be patient with him and don't push. He'll talk if and when he's ready."

They solemnly nodded and began filing out of the infirmary. Ronon walked over to Sheppard's bed and leaned over close to his head. Sensing his presence, Sheppard opened his eyes and looked up at him, his face tense and drawn.

"Have Beckett call me if you need me. It does get better with time, Sheppard."

Sheppard saw a reflection of what he felt in Ronon's eyes and he knew the man understood better than anyone. "Thanks. I know."

Ronon nodded and left. Sheppard looked up to see Beckett injecting something into his IV port and smiling down at him.

"Just give it a few minutes to work, Colonel, and you should feel better."

"Thanks, Doc," he whispered. He closed his eyes and waited, wishing there was something Beckett could give him to make the sight of Johnson's bloody body go away with the nausea.

oOo

Beckett finished probing Sheppard's ribcage and offered him a hand, helping him up to a sitting position. He then proceeded to move Sheppard's arm to different positions, asking Sheppard about how that felt along the way. Sheppard answered and occasionally winced as the doctor checked his shoulder and made notes on his chart. When he had finished, Beckett stood back and crossed his arms, frowning at Sheppard.

"You've been awfully quiet these past few days."

Sheppard absently rubbed his shoulder, now aching from the movement. "Nothing much to say I guess. How's my shoulder?"

"Well, it's healing. You still have some pain with backward movements, but it's getting better. You don't need to do much with that arm for a few more days, but we don't need to immobilize it any more. Everything else seems okay and you've been pretty coherent the last couple of days, so I'm going to release you to your quarters. I don't want much physical activity from you for the next few days and get plenty of rest. I want you to let me know if you have any more dizziness or nausea or if the headaches get too bad."

Sheppard nodded. "Okay, Doc. I can do that."

"Colonel, I don't know how much you remember about your first twenty-four hours in the infirmary, but you talked a little about some events from your past."

Sheppard frowned. "Like what?"

"About trying to help Mitch and Dex, and about someone you called Big Dog and a kid named Johnson. You were pretty upset about the death of Johnson."

Sheppard quickly diverted his eyes to the floor. "I hadn't thought about him for a long time," he said quietly.

"Colonel, I know how much you hate talking to Kate, but if you ever need someone to listen, I'm here. And I think Ronon would probably be a good listener too." Beckett smiled. "Goodness knows he doesn't talk much."

Sheppard looked up, his brow furrowed. "Ronon?"

Beckett nodded. "He was in the infirmary with his leg and I think he heard most everything. He informed me that I'd better take good care of you. I think he's now your unofficial watchdog."

Sheppard moved his gaze back to the floor. "I don't think he's very impressed with me. He thinks I'm weak. I can see it in his eyes."

Beckett snorted. "Well, lad, I think you'd better look again, because if he thought that before, he certainly doesn't think that now. We both heard enough to curl our hair and I think we were both impressed that you're still on your feet."

Sheppard just shook his head as he continued to look at the floor. "Nothing impressive here, Doc."

Beckett sighed. "And that opens another can of worms. How long have you had the impression that you are expendable?"

Sheppard watched his dangling feet as he swirled them around in circles. "At least since I joined the military, maybe before. They pretty much let you know that in the beginning. They aren't mean about it or anything, it's just they want you to know from the get-go that when you send soldiers into combat situations, people are going to die and you have to learn to live with that. It's just part of it."

"Well, I don't happen to agree with that and I'll be doing my best to change your mind from now on."

Sheppard stilled his legs and looked up at Beckett. "I appreciate what you're saying and your concern, but it doesn't change anything. You don't have to like it and you don't have to accept it – it's just the way things are."

Beckett just shook his head. "I have one more thing to say before you go. You should talk to Elizabeth and Rodney about Atlantis"

Sheppard cocked his head to one side. "What about Atlantis?"

"That she talks to you."

Sheppard sighed. "Crap. What didn't I run my mouth about? Remind me to wear a helmet next time I go through the gate."

Beckett chuckled. "This was a very enlightening experience for me, Colonel. I think I've learned a lot about you." Sheppard narrowed his eyes as he looked at the doctor. "Don't worry, Colonel, my lips are sealed."

Sheppard nodded. "Thanks, Doc. I'll think about talking to Rodney and Elizabeth soon, but I'm not ready yet. I'm still figuring this thing out."

"Fair enough. Now, where was I?"

Sheppard grinned. "I think you were about to release me."

oOo

Sheppard slowed to a stop and leaned heavily against the railing, breathing hard as he watched Ronon stop and turn several yards ahead. He turned his back to the railing and slid down to a sitting position. Opening his water bottle, he squirted water in his mouth and then all over his face, feeling the coolness run down his hot, sweaty skin. At least he could drink water again without wanting to heave or cry. He guessed that was progress.

"You're slow and out of shape," said the Satedan, looking down at Sheppard.

"Yeah, I know. That's what happens when you're on medical leave for three weeks." The headaches and dizzy spells had persisted for almost two weeks and he'd thought at one time Beckett was going to slap him back in the infirmary. He was extremely happy when they finally disappeared. Beckett had finally cleared him for physical activity yesterday and he wasn't sure but what he wasn't regretting it about now.

"Sheppard, you were always slow."

Sheppard raised his index finger and smiled. "But not always out of shape."

Ronon walked over and sat down beside Sheppard, getting out his own water bottle and taking a drink. "Are you okay, Sheppard?"

Sheppard turned and looked at Ronon, trying to read his expression. "I'm fine. Something make you think I'm not?"

"No."

Sheppard sighed. "Exactly how much did you hear while we were in the infirmary. I don't remember what I talked about, but Carson has filled me in on part of it and I know I said way too much."

"I heard enough."

Sheppard still couldn't read the stone features of the former runner. "I guess I look pretty pathetic, don't I?" Sheppard looked down at his feet, still trying to get his breathing back under control.

"For a smart man, sometimes you're pretty stupid."

Sheppard's head snapped up as he frowned. "What do you mean by that?"

Ronon shook his head. "I thought about leaving for a while."

"Leaving my team . . . leaving Atlantis . . . what?"

"Both. I've watched you avoid fights on several occasions and try to deal with people when I would have blasted them. I had decided you were either afraid, inept, or, as you put it, lazy. I have no desire to follow anyone like that, so I was getting ready to go my own way."

"Was? Does that mean you changed your mind?"

"I saw a different side of you when you were pressed on that planet. And I saw a different side of you in the infirmary. You're not afraid or inept or lazy. You're just tired of watching people die and you avoid it when you can. You haven't become calloused to it like I have. It still bothers you to kill people and to have the people around you die. When you're careful, it's not because you're watching out for your own skin, you're watching out for everyone else. That's something I can respect. That's someone that I can follow."

"You're wrong about one thing. I _am_ afraid."

"We're all afraid to some degree. You have the good, keep you alive fear, not the crippling, makes you a coward fear."

They sat in silence for several minutes. Sheppard finally looked back at Ronon. "You know I _am_ lazy, though, right?"

Ronon grinned. "I'll help you work on that. We need to run another thirty minutes, so get up." Ronon got to his feet and held out his hand.

Sheppard looked at the hand a second and then took it, using Ronon's leverage to pull himself to his feet. "Thanks."

"Sometimes we all need help Sheppard. The trick is learning to accept it. I'm just getting used to that part myself."

Sheppard nodded. "Maybe that's something we can work on together."

"Maybe. In the meantime, last one to the mess hall carries the other one's lunch." Ronon turned and took off running.

"Ronon, I'm not racing you. Ronon?" Sheppard started running after Ronon, desperately trying to catch up. "That's not fair and I'm _not_ carrying your lunch. _Ronon!_"

THE END


End file.
